Understanding Big Feelings
For kids ages 6-11
Do you ever feel really, REALLY upset when someone says something mean? Or when you're not invited to a party? Or when you make a mistake? If your feelings seem BIGGER than other kids' feelings, this page is for you!
What Are "Big Feelings"?
Some kids have a special kind of brain that feels things EXTRA strongly. It's like having a superpower, but sometimes it can be hard.
When someone teases you
It feels like your heart is breaking
When you make a mistake
You feel like the worst person ever
When you're not invited
You think nobody likes you
When a friend plays with someone else
You worry they don't want to be your friend anymore
This is called RSD - which stands for "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria." It's a big name, but it just means your brain feels rejection MORE than other people's brains.
Important Things to Know!
It's Not Your Fault
You didn't choose to have big feelings. Your brain just works this way!
You're Not Alone
Lots of kids feel this way! You're not weird or different.
You Can Learn to Help Yourself
There are things you can do when the big feelings come!
When Big Feelings Come...
Try these things when you start to feel upset:
Find Your Safe Space
Go somewhere quiet - your room, a corner, or anywhere you feel calm.
Take Big Breaths
Breathe in like you're smelling a flower, breathe out like you're blowing out birthday candles. Do this 5 times.
Use Cold Water
Put cold water on your face or hold something cold. It helps your brain calm down.
Talk to Someone You Trust
Tell a parent, teacher, or friend how you feel. You don't have to feel alone.
Draw or Write It Out
Sometimes it helps to draw your feelings or write them down.
Tricky Thoughts vs. Truth
Sometimes our brain tells us things that FEEL true but aren't really true. Here's how to spot the tricky thoughts:
Tricky thought: "Nobody likes me"
💚Truth: Some people like me. I can think of at least one person who is nice to me.
Tricky thought: "I'm the worst at everything"
💚Truth: I'm not good at everything, but there ARE things I'm good at!
Tricky thought: "They didn't invite me because I'm boring"
💚Truth: Maybe they just couldn't invite everyone. It doesn't mean I'm boring.
Tricky thought: "I made one mistake so I'm stupid"
💚Truth: Everyone makes mistakes! That's how we learn. One mistake doesn't make me stupid.
A Note for Grown-Ups Reading This
This page uses simple language to help children understand their RSD. Key points to reinforce:
- • Validate their feelings - they're real, even if the situation seems small to you
- • Help them identify when "big feelings" are happening
- • Practice the coping strategies together during calm times
- • Model self-compassion and emotional regulation
- • Consider professional support if RSD significantly impacts daily life
Remember!
Your big feelings don't make you bad. They make you YOU! With practice, you can learn to handle them better. And there are lots of people who love you, big feelings and all. 💜