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Parent's Guide to Childhood RSD

10 min read

Watching your child experience intense emotional pain can be heartbreaking. Understanding RSD helps you support them effectively while maintaining your own wellbeing. This guide will help you navigate this journey together.

Recognising RSD in Your Child

Intense reactions to minor criticisms

A gentle suggestion about homework triggers tears or rage.

Fear of trying new things

Refuses activities where they might fail or be judged.

Extreme sensitivity to teasing

What siblings brush off causes hours of distress.

People-pleasing behaviour

Does anything to avoid disappointing others.

Frequent questions about being liked

"Do you still love me?" multiple times daily.

Perfectionism that leads to paralysis

Won't turn in work unless it's "perfect."

Social withdrawal

Avoids friendships to prevent potential rejection.

Physical symptoms during stress

Stomach aches, headaches before social situations.

What Helps Children with RSD

1

Validate Their Feelings

Don't say "it's not a big deal." Instead: "I can see this is really upsetting for you." Their pain is real, even if the trigger seems small.

2

Create Predictability

Children with RSD thrive with routines, advance notice of changes, and clear expectations. Surprises can feel threatening.

3

Teach Emotional Vocabulary

Help them name what they're feeling: "Are you feeling embarrassed? Scared? Left out?" Words help contain big feelings.

4

Separate Behaviour from Identity

Instead of "you're being naughty," try "that behaviour wasn't okay." They need to know your love isn't conditional on perfect behaviour.

5

Practice Coping Skills During Calm Times

Teach breathing, grounding, and self-talk when they're regulated. It's hard to learn new skills during a meltdown.

6

Model Emotional Regulation

Let them see you manage your own emotions. "I'm feeling frustrated right now, so I'm going to take some deep breaths."

During an RSD Meltdown

Do

  • Stay calm (they need your regulation)
  • Get down to their eye level
  • Speak slowly and softly
  • Offer comfort: "I'm here with you"
  • Wait - don't try to fix immediately
  • Offer their comfort object or quiet space
  • Physical comfort if they want it

Avoid

  • ×"Calm down" or "stop crying"
  • ×Reasoning or lecturing during peak distress
  • ×Minimising: "It's not that bad"
  • ×Comparing to siblings or others
  • ×Punishment for emotional reactions
  • ×Forcing them to talk about it immediately
  • ×Your own frustration or anger

Building Resilience Over Time

Praise effort over outcome

"I love how hard you tried" matters more than "you got an A."

Normalise mistakes

Share your own mistakes and how you handled them.

Practice rejection in small doses

Games where they don't always win, gentle teasing within family.

Build a "wins" collection

Keep notes of achievements they can review during hard times.

Identify their support team

Help them name people they can talk to when upset.

Teach self-compassion

"What would you say to a friend who felt this way?"

Talking to Your Child About RSD

You can explain RSD in age-appropriate ways:

"You know how some people need glasses because their eyes work differently? Well, some people have brains that feel hurt feelings more strongly than other people's brains. That's called RSD, and I think you might have it. It's not a bad thing - it means you care a lot about people! But it can also make things feel really hard sometimes. We're going to learn some tricks together to help you when those big feelings come."

Key messages: It's not their fault, it's not something to be ashamed of, and there are things that can help.

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting a child with RSD can be emotionally exhausting. Don't forget:

  • You need breaks too - arrange respite when possible
  • Connect with other parents who understand
  • Work with therapists who specialise in ADHD/RSD
  • Practice your own emotional regulation
  • It's okay to feel frustrated - you're human
  • Celebrate small wins - progress isn't linear

You're Doing Great

The fact that you're here, learning about RSD and how to help your child, shows how much you care. With patience, understanding, and the right strategies, children with RSD can thrive.