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Parenting When You Have RSD

10 min read

Parenting is one of the most triggering experiences for someone with rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Children push boundaries, express big emotions, and sometimes say hurtful things - all of which can feel devastating when you have RSD.

Why Parenting Triggers RSD

Children are developmentally wired to test limits and express displeasure. A toddler screaming "I hate you!" or a teenager rolling their eyes are normal parts of development. But with RSD, these moments feel like genuine rejection.

Common triggers:

Your child preferring your partner
Tantrums directed at you
Teenagers pulling away
"I don't love you" or "You're mean"
Feeling compared to other parents
Your child's struggles feeling like your failure

The RSD Parent's Dilemma

Response A: Shutdown

You withdraw emotionally, making your child feel abandoned

Response B: React

You become defensive, escalating the conflict

Neither helps. Understanding this pattern is the first step to breaking it.

The Key Insight

Your child's behaviour is almost never about rejecting you as a person.

Developmental stage
Toddlers tantrum, teens push away
Emotional state
Hungry, tired, overwhelmed
Need for autonomy
Testing independence
Limited regulation
Still learning to manage emotions
Testing boundaries
Understanding how the world works
Feeling safe
You're their safe person to unload on

Strategies for RSD Parents

1

Create a Pause Protocol

When you feel the RSD surge, you need a pre-planned response:

Take three deep breaths before responding
Say "I need a moment" and step away
Use a physical grounding object
Code word with partner for backup
2

Prepare for Predictable Triggers

Many parenting triggers are predictable: bedtime battles, homework struggles, morning routines.

Remind yourself before: "This might be hard. It's not about me."
Have your coping strategy ready before the situation starts
Lower expectations during difficult transitions
3

Build in Recovery Time

Parenting with RSD is exhausting. You need time to recover from triggering moments.

Tag-team with your partner
Take small breaks throughout the day
Don't expect instant bounce-back
Practice self-compassion after hard moments
4

Reframe the Narrative

Your RSD hears:

"You're a terrible parent and I don't love you."

Reframe it as:

"My child feels safe enough to express big feelings to me."

What to Tell Yourself

My child's behaviour is not a referendum on my worth as a parent.

Children push away from the people they feel safest with.

This feeling will pass. It always does.

I can be triggered AND still be a good parent.

My child needs my calm, not my perfection.

When You've Been Triggered

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you'll react. This doesn't make you a bad parent.

1

Repair

Once calm, reconnect. "I'm sorry I raised my voice. I was overwhelmed."

2

Reflect

What triggered you? What might help next time?

3

Release

Let go of the guilt. You're learning and growing.

Getting Support

Parenting with RSD is harder than parenting without it. You deserve support:

Therapist
Who understands RSD and ADHD
Partner
Who knows your triggers and can help
Support Groups
Online or in-person parent communities
Time Away
Breaks from parenting to recharge

Remember

Your RSD doesn't make you a bad parent. The fact that you're reading this - trying to understand yourself and do better - proves you care deeply. That care is what your children will remember, not the moments you struggled.