Recognising RSD in Your Child

7 min read

Recognising rejection sensitivity in your child can help you understand behaviours that might otherwise seem confusing, dramatic, or manipulative. This guide helps you identify the signs across different ages.

What Makes RSD Different

All children are sensitive to rejection. What distinguishes RSD is:

Intensity

The emotional pain seems out of proportion to the trigger

Speed

The reaction is almost instantaneous - 0 to 100

Duration

Recovery takes much longer than expected

Signs by Age Group

Young Children (Ages 6-8)

Extreme distress over minor criticism

Melting down when not picked first

Interpreting neutral comments as criticism

Needing excessive reassurance

Refusing to try new things

Inconsolable when a friend plays with someone else

Physical complaints before social situations

Extreme sensitivity to tone of voice

Middle Childhood (Ages 9-11)

Avoiding activities where they might not excel

Perfectionism and difficulty with mistakes

Ruminating about social interactions

Interpreting ambiguous situations negatively

Difficulty with constructive feedback

Strong reactions to not being invited

Anger or withdrawal when criticized

Constantly scanning for disapproval

Tweens and Teens (Ages 12-17)

Extreme sensitivity to peer acceptance

Obsessing over social media likes

Interpreting delayed texts as rejection

Difficulty recovering from friendship conflicts

Avoiding dating due to fear of rejection

Academic underperformance despite ability

Explosive reactions to parental criticism

Self-isolation when feeling rejected

People-pleasing to avoid disapproval

What RSD Might Look Like

Scenario: Your child's friend can't come to play.

Typical response:

Disappointment, quickly moves on to another activity.

RSD response:

Inconsolable crying, refuses to believe the friend still likes them, needs hours of reassurance, may not want to see that friend again.

The ADHD Connection

RSD is particularly common in children with ADHD. The combination of impulsivity and emotional dysregulation can make RSD responses even more intense.

Signs your ADHD child might also have RSD:

Emotional reactions bigger than the situation warrants

Difficulty letting go of perceived slights

History of being told they're "too sensitive"

Avoidance of situations where they might fail

Quick to feel that others don't like them

What to Do If You Recognise These Signs

Validate, Don't Minimise

Don't say "It's not a big deal" or "You're overreacting." Instead:

"I can see this really hurt you."

"Your feelings make sense, even if the situation looks different from outside."

"I'm here with you while you feel this."

Help Them Name It

Giving the experience a name helps children feel less alone:

"This is called rejection sensitivity. Lots of people have it."

"Your brain has a special alarm that goes off extra loud."

"It's not your fault - it's just how your brain is wired."

When to Seek Professional Support

Consider seeking support if RSD is significantly affecting your child's:

Ability to attend school or activities

Friendships and social relationships

Willingness to try new things

Overall happiness and wellbeing

Family relationships

When to Seek Immediate Help

If your child expresses thoughts of self-harm, feels they'd be better off not existing, or shows signs of depression alongside their rejection sensitivity, please seek professional support immediately. RSD can be a risk factor for more serious mental health concerns.

The Good News

Children with RSD often have deep empathy, strong loyalty, and genuine concern for others' feelings. With the right support, they can learn to manage their sensitivity while keeping these strengths. Early recognition and intervention makes a significant difference.