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Supporting Your Child with RSD

10 min read

Watching your child experience the intense pain of rejection sensitivity can feel helpless. This guide provides practical strategies to help your child develop resilience while feeling understood and supported.

The Foundation: Validation Before Strategy

Before you can help your child manage their RSD, they need to feel that you understand their experience. Validation doesn't mean agreeing that their fears are accurate - it means acknowledging that their feelings are real.

What Validation Sounds Like

Instead of:

"You're overreacting. Sarah still likes you."

Try:

"It sounds like you're feeling really worried that Sarah doesn't want to be your friend anymore. That must feel awful."

In-the-Moment Strategies

1

Co-Regulate First

When your child is in RSD distress, their thinking brain is offline. Don't try to reason with them. Instead:

Stay calm yourself (your regulation helps theirs)
Get on their physical level
Use a soft, slow voice
Offer physical comfort if they accept it
Simply be present - don't rush to fix it
2

Name the Feeling

Help them identify what they're experiencing:

"It looks like you're feeling really hurt right now."
"Your body is having a big reaction - that happens sometimes when we feel rejected."
"This is that rejection alarm we talked about, isn't it?"
3

Wait for the Window

Problem-solving only works when they're regulated. Wait for signs that they're calming down before trying to help them think through the situation.

Building Long-Term Skills

Teaching Emotional Vocabulary

Children with RSD often feel overwhelmed because they can't articulate their experience:

  • Use feeling charts or cards
  • Model naming your own emotions
  • Distinguish between similar feelings
  • Talk about physical sensations of emotions

Reality-Testing Skills

When they're calm, help them examine their interpretations:

  • "What's the evidence that [friend] doesn't like you?"
  • "What's another possible reason?"
  • "What would you think if this happened to your best friend?"
  • "Has this happened before? What actually happened?"

The "What If" Ladder

Help your child think through worst-case scenarios:

1
"What's the worst thing that could happen?"
2
"If that happened, then what?"
3
"And if that happened, then what?"
4
"Could you survive that? Would you eventually be okay?"

This helps them see that even worst-case scenarios are survivable.

Building a Coping Toolkit

Work with your child to identify strategies that help them:

Physical

  • Deep breathing
  • Cold water on face
  • Squeezing a stress ball

Mental

  • A calming phrase
  • Visualizing safe place
  • Counting backwards

Relational

  • Person to talk to
  • Comfort object
  • Asking for a hug

Sensory

  • Calming music
  • Weighted blanket
  • Favourite scent

Creating a Supportive Environment

How You Deliver Feedback

Lead with connection first
Be specific, not general
Focus on behaviour, not character
Give them time to process
End with reassurance

Building Predictability

Consistent routines reduce anxiety
Warn them about changes in advance
Prepare them for triggering situations
Predictable ways to reconnect after conflict

Modelling Imperfection

Apologize when you mess up
Talk about your own failures
Show that criticism doesn't destroy you
Demonstrate self-compassion

Daily Practices

Connection Time

10-15 minutes of focused, positive attention daily

Wins Review

End each day naming something they did well

Affirmations

"You are loved no matter what. Nothing changes that."

Check-ins

Brief daily conversations about how they're feeling

Repair Rituals

Consistent ways to reconnect after difficult moments

Working with Professionals

Consider seeking professional support if your child:

Is significantly impacted at school or socially
Shows signs of anxiety or depression
Has ADHD (RSD support can be part of treatment)
Isn't responding to your support at home

Look for therapists familiar with ADHD and emotional dysregulation. CBT, DBT skills, and parent-child interaction therapy can all help.