Handling Workplace Feedback
10 min read
For people with RSD, workplace feedback can feel catastrophic. A minor suggestion becomes proof of failure. A neutral comment feels like an attack. Here's how to receive feedback without spiraling.
Why Feedback Feels So Hard
Perceived as Personal Attack
Your brain interprets constructive feedback as "you're not good enough" or "they don't like you."
Emotional Flooding
The intensity of the reaction makes it hard to process the actual content of the feedback.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
One piece of criticism erases all previous positive feedback in your mind.
Past Experiences
Old wounds from harsh criticism or rejection get triggered by current feedback.
Public vs Private
Feedback in meetings or group settings can be especially triggering due to witnessed rejection.
Authority Figures
Feedback from managers or senior colleagues may hit harder due to power dynamics.
Preparing for Feedback Sessions
Request Written Feedback First
Ask if you can receive written feedback before the meeting so you can process it privately. Many managers will accommodate this.
Schedule Strategically
If possible, schedule feedback sessions when you're at your best (not Monday morning or Friday afternoon).
Ground Yourself Before
Use breathing exercises or grounding techniques before the meeting. Arrive calm, not already anxious.
Prepare Your Self-Talk
Remind yourself: "Feedback is data, not a verdict on my worth. I can handle this."
Have a Post-Meeting Plan
Know what you'll do after to decompress - a walk, texting a friend, or taking a break.
During the Conversation
Do
- Take notes (it gives you something to focus on)
- Ask clarifying questions to stay engaged
- Request specific examples
- Breathe slowly and deliberately
- Say "I need a moment to process this"
- Thank them for the feedback (even if it hurts)
Avoid
- ×Defending yourself immediately
- ×Making excuses or blaming others
- ×Shutting down or going silent
- ×Crying (if possible - step out if needed)
- ×Promising changes you can't make
- ×Apologising excessively
Useful Phrases
Processing After the Meeting
Immediately After
- • Take a break if possible
- • Go for a short walk
- • Don't make any decisions
- • Text a supportive friend
- • Use grounding techniques
Later That Day
- • Review your notes calmly
- • Separate facts from feelings
- • Identify actionable points
- • Write down your emotions
- • Talk it through with someone
The Next Day
- • Re-read with fresh eyes
- • Look for valid points
- • Create an action plan
- • Schedule a follow-up
- • Practice self-compassion
Reframing Feedback
RSD thinking: "They think I'm terrible at my job"
Reframe: They're investing time in helping me improve - they wouldn't bother if I was hopeless.
RSD thinking: "I'm going to get fired"
Reframe: Getting feedback is normal. It's how we all grow. One piece of criticism isn't a firing offence.
RSD thinking: "Everyone heard that and thinks less of me"
Reframe: Most people are focused on themselves. They likely forgot about it within minutes.
RSD thinking: "I should have known better"
Reframe: I can't know everything. Learning is part of any job. This is information I can use.
RSD thinking: "This proves I'm an imposter"
Reframe: Even experts receive feedback. Getting it means I'm being treated as a professional.
Feedback Is Data, Not a Death Sentence
With practice, you can learn to receive feedback without your RSD hijacking your emotional state. It takes time, but every successful feedback session builds your resilience for the next one.