Manager Conversations
8 min read
Deciding whether to tell your manager about RSD is personal. This guide helps you think through the decision and gives you scripts if you choose to have that conversation.
Should You Tell Your Manager?
Consider Telling If:
- Your manager is supportive and emotionally intelligent
- You have a good relationship with them
- Your workplace values mental health/neurodiversity
- RSD is significantly impacting your work
- You need specific accommodations
- You trust them not to use it against you
Consider Waiting If:
- ×Your manager is dismissive of mental health
- ×The workplace culture is competitive/harsh
- ×You're new and still building trust
- ×You've seen others penalised for disclosures
- ×You're already on a performance improvement plan
- ×You don't actually need accommodations
Remember: You can also share without using the term "RSD". Saying "I process feedback best in writing" or "I work better with advance notice of performance discussions" achieves the same goal.
How to Have the Conversation
1. Request a private meeting
"Do you have 20 minutes for a conversation? I'd like to discuss something that I think will help me work more effectively."
2. Frame it positively
"I want to share something about how I work best. I'm telling you because I want to be as effective as possible in this role."
3. Explain briefly
"I have something called rejection sensitive dysphoria, which means I can be particularly sensitive to feedback or perceived criticism. It's related to ADHD and affects how I process certain situations."
4. Make specific requests
"What would really help me is... [e.g., receiving feedback in writing first, a heads-up before performance discussions, starting feedback with positives]."
5. Reassure them
"I'm not asking you to avoid giving me feedback - I need it to grow. I'm just sharing the delivery method that helps me best receive and act on it."
Reasonable Requests to Make
Written feedback before meetings
Allows you to process privately before discussing face-to-face.
Advance notice of performance discussions
No ambush feedback. Time to prepare emotionally.
Private feedback (not in team settings)
Reduces the "witnessed rejection" trigger.
Balanced feedback (positives too)
Helps maintain perspective and prevents spiral.
Specific, actionable feedback
Vague criticism is harder to process and easier to catastrophise.
Time to reflect before responding
Prevents defensive reactions, allows thoughtful response.
Questions They Might Ask
"Is this an official diagnosis?"
RSD is recognised by experts but isn't a standalone diagnosis - it's often part of ADHD. You don't need an official diagnosis to ask for reasonable adjustments.
"Does this mean I can't give you feedback?"
Not at all. I want and need feedback. I'm just asking for delivery methods that help me receive it constructively.
"What if I forget?"
No pressure to be perfect. Even small changes help. If you slip up, that's okay - I'm working on my reactions too.
"How can I tell when you're struggling?"
I might go quiet, need to step out, or seem more upset than the situation warrants. If you notice, a kind word helps.
"Does this affect your work?"
It can make receiving feedback harder, but it also means I care deeply about doing a good job. That's a strength.
Alternative: Don't Name It
You can get many of the same accommodations without disclosing RSD specifically. Try framing requests as personal work style preferences:
Advocating for Yourself Is a Skill
Whether you choose to disclose RSD or not, learning to ask for what you need is powerful. A good manager will appreciate your self-awareness and your commitment to doing your best work.