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Why Rejection Hits Different for You

8 min read

Ever wonder why you can't just "get over it" like everyone tells you to? Why a small comment can ruin your entire day? Why you replay embarrassing moments on loop at 2am? There's actually a reason for this - and it's not because you're weak or dramatic.

What's Actually Happening in Your Brain

Your brain has a threat detection system - it's supposed to protect you from danger. The problem is, for people with RSD, this system treats social rejection like a physical threat. Here's what that means:

Most brains: "That person didn't text back. They're probably busy."

RSD brain: "THEY HATE ME. THIS IS A CRISIS."

Most brains: "The teacher corrected my answer. Oh well."

RSD brain: "Everyone saw. I'm the stupidest person alive."

Most brains: "I wasn't invited. That sucks but whatever."

RSD brain: "I'm fundamentally unlikeable. No one will ever want me around."

Most brains: "That joke was about me. It was kinda funny."

RSD brain: "They're all secretly laughing at me. They do this all the time."

This isn't you being dramatic. Your brain literally processes these situations differently. The pain you feel is real - it's just not always proportional to what actually happened.

The ADHD Connection

RSD is super common in people with ADHD. If you have ADHD (diagnosed or not), you're way more likely to experience this. Why?

  • ADHD brains have trouble regulating emotions - including the pain of rejection
  • Years of being criticized, misunderstood, or feeling "different" add up
  • ADHD makes you more likely to notice social cues (including negative ones)
  • Dopamine issues in ADHD affect how your brain processes emotional pain

What RSD Actually Feels Like

Physical Pain

Not metaphorical - actual chest pain, stomach dropping, feeling like you've been punched.

Instant Flooding

Emotions hit you like a wave. You can't think straight. Everything feels overwhelming.

Spiral Thinking

One thought leads to another leads to another until you've convinced yourself everyone hates you.

Can't Move On

Hours or days later, you're still replaying it. You can't just "let it go."

Exhaustion

After the episode passes, you feel drained. Like you ran an emotional marathon.

Shame

Then you feel embarrassed about how strongly you reacted, which makes it worse.

Things That Don't Help (But People Say Anyway)

"Just don't care what people think"

Cool, I'll just rewire my entire brain real quick.

"You're overreacting"

Thanks, that definitely makes me feel better and not worse.

"It's not a big deal"

Maybe not to you, but to my brain it literally is.

"Just be confident"

Wow why didn't I think of that.

"Stop seeking attention"

I'm not. I'm genuinely struggling and this comment makes it worse.

What Actually Helps

1

Name it

When you feel it coming, say to yourself: "This is RSD. My brain is lying to me about how bad this is."

2

Ride it out

The intense feeling usually peaks in 20-30 minutes. It sucks, but it will pass.

3

Ground yourself

Cold water on your face, hold ice, do jumping jacks - physical sensations can interrupt the spiral.

4

Text someone safe

Have a person you can message when you're spiraling. Just venting can help.

5

Don't make decisions

Don't text, post, or confront anyone while flooded. Wait until you've calmed down.

6

Challenge the thought

Ask yourself: "What evidence do I actually have? What would I tell a friend?"

You're Not Broken

RSD is hard, but understanding why your brain works this way is the first step to managing it better. You're not too sensitive, too emotional, or too much. Your brain just needs different strategies than other people's. And that's okay.